Blessings From Heaven

I should be used to it by now.  But I'm not.  The novelty should have worn off, but, well, it's still there. There's something incredible about Jesus' goodness- it's NEVER tiring.  Despite its consistency, it's still amazing.  The stalwart faithfulness of our Jesus is mind-blowing and will never get old.

Once again, Jesus had brought us to a financial place where we simply couldn't take care of our own needs.  Rent?  Not sure where that will come from.  Lights? Food? Toilet paper?  Um… nope.  No idea how to get those.  It was to the point that, due to a miscalculation, my card was declined at the grocery store.  Oh, how embarrassing!!  I was so blessed to have a sweet friend cover me for that transaction, as there was no way I could make it happen.  

In our nearly eight years of marriage, we have walked this particular path many times.  So I knew in my heart of hearts that we would be cared for.  As long as we were faithful with what we knew to be true, and were good stewards with which we were entrusted, Jesus would take care of the rest.  I assumed that I would pick up some extra voice over jobs, or that my husband would load up on overtime, and we'd be set.  I had a plan, assuming that Jesus would do something 'normal' for a change.  

But I didn't see it coming.  I never do.  Through the years, sometimes the provision showed up as a twenty-dollar bill taped to our car's window.  Other times it's a bag of groceries left as a ding-dong-ditch. And then, several times, we've been personally loved on by a dear friend, pressing money into our hands, saying, "This is a gift. It's from Jesus; I'm merely the messenger."

I remember the first time a saint handed me money in a time of financial need.  It was when my proud heart hated the thought of being indebted to anyone, and I attempted to refuse.  I don't remember who it was, but to this day, I can still see her eyes.  Soft, blue, intense.  They were sharp and bright and very kind but, as she spoke, they became steely and strong.  

"Don't you dare refuse this," she admonished me. "We are called to be generous, and to give to others.  How am I able to obey that command if you won't accept my gift?!  If you tell me 'no,' then you will be ROBBING ME OF A BLESSING."

She was right.  We've had a handful of chances to be generous to others, and each time we have reaped far more than we sowed.  If for no other reason, I needed to accept the help of others for their sakes.  If I truly loved them, then I would rejoice in allowing them to experience the sweet blessing that follows obedience in exercising a generous heart.  (In a similar realization, each month that we are faithful to tithe what little income we have, and use the rest wisely and frugally, Jesus has never let us overdraw our account.  The more impossible it is for us to succeed, the more clearly we see Jesus working on our behalf.)

This time around, Jesus cared for us by way of his children, as He so often does.  An anonymous check, delivered via our church, provided the funds necessary to cover all our needs.  I was puzzled when it was handed to me, expecting the envelope to hold a reimbursement of sorts.  When I opened it, however, tears immediately jumped to my eyes.  Yet again, when I was least expecting it, my faith was supercharged and expanded.

Friend, is there an area in your life that you struggle to give entirely to Jesus?  Is your faith weak and feeble?  Please take this story and be encouraged by just one of the numerous ways Jesus has cared for our family, and know that He is that very same Savior to you.

It's A Lie: God DOESN'T Want First Place

Well, I guess I understood my Bible wrong for many years: Turns out that God DOESN'T want to be first in my life.

Nope, no blasphemy here...! When I thought about it, having a 'first place' implies that there are runner ups- second and third place holders that would gladly take that prime spot if the winner messed up.

But the thing is that God, by His very nature, is so far removed from any other thing or person that the idea of them contending for His rightful place is a joke!

If Jeff Gordon took first place in the Indy 500 against, say, a slug, it would be a ridiculous notion that he could possibly fail. Do we award the slug a second place trophy? No! Of course not! The slug can not perform the duties of a racer, doesn't know the rules, can't even drive, and doesn't have the capability in any way to qualify in even the smallest way. So is Jeff then the first place winner? No. He is the ONLY winner.

God doesn't want first place in my life; He wants the ONLY place in my life. If I consider Him to be first priority over something else, that still gives weight to the 'something else.' If, however, God is ONLY, then I will say, do, live, think, and experience everything else in light of Him. Nothing is done for it's own sake, but for God's sake. For example, I don't sing in order to give God the glory. If God is my only, then I desire to give Him glory- and so I sing.

No, God doesn't just want to be first in my life. He must be ONLY.

Thoughts?

This Book

No believer has excuse for not knowing and understanding God’s Word. Every believer has God’s own Holy Spirit within Him as his own divine teacher of God’s divine Word. Our only task is to submit to His instruction by studying the Word with sincerity and commitment. We cannot plead ignorance or inability, only disinterest and neglect.

 -Ephesians, MacArthur New Testament Commentary, 372.

Birthdays Make Me Think

I'm turning 30 this week, and it's got me thinking.  Thoughts about life, about time, about the future, about hopes, and fears, and how people will remember me when I'm gone.  Despite my lapse in updating this page for so many months (yes, I'm mama to three kiddos now, and I'll eventually write a post about all those crazy changes), I've decided to share my reflections with you.

So, in light of turning 30, here are thirty things I've learned the past three decades, founded on my failures, family, and faith:

Failures

1. The only time I have truly failed is when I was unwilling to try again.
2. Never organize your closet within an hour of your company arriving.
3. Clean out the fridge at least once a month, unless you enjoy uninvited science experiments.
4. Missing a payment is ok if it instills a greater understanding of responsibility.
5. Start a load of laundry before you're on your last pair of underwear.
6. Put toilet paper on your grocery list while you still have three rolls.
7. Never trust a credit card.
8. A messy home will not scare true friends.
9. Communication- verbal and nonverbal- is a dangerous tool. With one sigh you can either fell a man, or make him courageous.
10. If you are moved to contact someone, do it right away. It may be your last chance and, if you miss that opportunity, your heart will carry that burden for a very long time.
11. Read books that are smarter than you are. Romance novels can encourage you to be incontent with real love, and fantasy may cause real life to feel like a burden.
12. The less you speak, the more people will listen when you have something worth saying.
13. Throw junk mail away as soon as it arrives, and purge paper piles weekly. Failing to do so may result in transporting moving boxes full of trash.
14. Surround yourself with people you aspire to emulate. If you see someone living the kind of life you want to be remembered by, then spend time with them and you will have made a wise decision.
15. Braces can be cute, talents are appreciated, dinners aren't always burnt; don't toss away a sincere compliment. A humble 'thank you' is a fitting response.
16. 'On sale' does not mean 'great deal,' and a fantastic price on something unnecessary is still a waste.
17. Glass shower doors and ovens only clean up easily if they've been recently maintained. Making hard things a habit will make them easier.

Family

1. Children are willing to forgive, even before the apology. (“I already forgived you, mommy, because I always love you.”)
2. Before you share a concern with a loved one, make sure there are several hours before bed time.
3. A good night's sleep often quenches an argument before it even starts-- almost everything seems brighter with a new day.
4. Never be afraid to encourage someone to do the right thing.
5. Crying over spilt milk is ok if you pumped it yourself.
6. Alone time is good, as long as you're using that time to refocus thoughts and intentions to love others.
7. Raise children as you wish them to act 10 years in the future. My 7yo son must be trained in the respect I will demand of him as a teenager, and my 3yo daughter only wears that which will be appropriate when she's 13.
8. Remembering first steps is sweet; remember first prayers is rich.

Faith

1. Love is an action.
   It is something I must capture each morning, knowing that my resolve to love will be tested, tried, and trampled upon. Love is not something that happens to me; it is a conscious commitment to seek another's best beyond my own comfort, even especially when it is not reciprocated.
2. Joy is a choice.
   As a child of God, a true follower of Jesus, I have the supernatural ability to maintain my joy, even when my world falls apart. In light of death, poverty, sickness, loneliness, chaos, and fear, I am able to choose joy. It is rarely easy, but it is always possible.
3. My joy and peace are directly proportionate to my closeness to Jesus.
   When I am close to Jesus- daily listening to Him speak through Scripture, and communicating my heart to Him in prayer- I have an amazing level of peace and joy in the midst of the most confusing times. When I am close to Jesus, I more easily trust that His plan is the BEST plan, and therefore am able to rest in my circumstances.
4. Hope only leads to disappointment...
   unless my hope is placed in a faithful source. Everything and everyone will disappoint, because everything and everyone changes. Except for Jesus. He is good. He is faithful. He is love. He is worthy. And He will hold my hope, will support my expectation, and will NEVER disappoint.
5. Worship isn't a choice.
   Whether I'm a Buddhist, atheist, Jew, Christian, or any other brand of religious bent, my very nature demands that I worship something or someone. Where I spend my time, money, and emotions will identify the object of my worship. Do I drop all my cash on Miss Me jeans? I may be worshiping trends or my pride. Is all my time spent burred in a historical fiction novel? I might be worshiping a false sense of love, or a projected dream of romance. Am I addicted to social media? I could be worshiping my popularity. If, however, I am unable to tear my thinking away from the grandness of God's love, or if get excited every time I think of sharing the gospel, or I'm moved to tears when I hear someone's testimony, then I might be worshiping the only one worthy: Jesus.

Dear Jesus...

I would really like to start labor tonight, and have a baby tomorrow.  But not my will, but Thine be done...  Please help submission to be my heart attitude, as opposed to simply my intentional action.

Amen.

A Perfect Plan

Remember this, had any other condition been better for you than the one in which you are, DIVINE LOVE would have put you there.   -Charles Spurgeon

I was supposed to have a baby today. But instead I am blogging away, with this little girl pummeling my poor rib cage.

The plan was for me to go in last night (Tuesday), get prepped with cirvedel, and deliver this morning with a bit of Pitocen aid. An hour before my husband and I were to leave the house, however, we got a call from the hospital saying that they didn't have enough staff, and they needed to reschedule the induction for the next day (tonight).

I was utterly deflated, but found great therapeutic release via writing out my daughter's name in watercolor pencil. My mom (who has been in town to bless our family) suggested we get our nails “did” and she and I headed out. So, instead of getting tucked away at the hospital, I got tucked into a massage chair for a delicious mani-pedi. (Yes, my nails are quite cute!) After an awful nights sleep, working through a whining heart on account of Jesus not respecting my plans, we finally made it to this day- the NEW date to start evicting this baby!

Being that my sweet husband had taken the rest of the week off, we decided to redeem the “free” Wednesday morning/afternoon and go on a brunch date, with mom watching the kiddos. While we were enjoying sweet conversation, I got a phone call from the hospital. Mmhmm-- they were calling to cancel. Again. And not just bumping me to the next night. No. They can't take me until Sunday.

I made it gracefully through our meal, and my great guy took me out for retail therapy at Target. Yes, he loves me...! So here I am with cute toes, packed bags, no sleep, and watching the last minutes of my due date tick away.

And I'm trying to be ok with it.

And I'm forcing my mind to remember truth.

And I'm having a really hard time.

See, I feel most comfortable when I know what to expect. Even in a really tough, potentially worrisome situation, as long as I have a plan, I'm comfortable. If I know how to address a situation, and have people and logistics in place to make my family's life as “normal” as possible, then I can rest.

But Jesus is breaking me.

“My thoughts are not your thoughts;  

My ways are not your ways.”

And I know that we're not supposed to anticipate the far-off future and say, “Next year I'll go to such-and-such a place, and make money.” But we ARE called to be good stewards of our time, which means that we need to make plans based on what we understand to be where Jesus is leading us. I did that. And my plans are being broken.

So now I'm faced with examining my plans- where they evil or selfish or based on pride or somehow pitted against what Jesus has called me to? No... I don't think so.

Was I not listening to what Jesus is leading me towards? Am I impatient? Am I doing something wrong? No... I don't think so.

I honestly believe that everything that I put into place schedule-wise (planning for baby sitters, taking time off of work, prepping myself and my bags and my family and my friends, organizing our home for a new resident) was orchestrated with the proper heart.

BUT.

Having the right attitude is not always the point. I'm not being punished for anything. I just happen to be in the midst of a learning experience.

Thinking how a while ago, my son had practiced his AWANA verses, got his bag in order, earned quarters to pay for dues, put on his vest and was ready to go at just the right time... Only for me to tell him he'd got the wrong day. He's done everything right. But his schedule was off. And he had to learn that The Plan is fixed, even if he's ready early. The Plan will not change because he wants it to change. He had to let his plan go, and continue doing the right thing, prepping for when The Plan was “now.”

And that's me now. I know there's a Perfect Plan, and I know that it somehow involves me and this baby and God's Perfect Timing. And until that Plan is “now,” I must rest.

• I must rest in Jesus' timing.
• I must rest in Jesus' will.
• I must rest in Jesus' sovereignty.
• I must rest in Jesus' love for me.
• I must rest in Jesus' care over me.
• I must rest in my limited understanding.
• I must rest in my lack of premonition.
• I must rest in the fact that life is hard, but God is good.

So I'm headed to bed now. I may very well go into spontaneous labor and have this baby in the morning! I could also toss and turn in my quite uncomfortable physical state all night. But this is what I know is true:

Jesus has specifically ordained this Perfect Plan for me.

And I will chose to rest in that. 

Beautiful Mess

The countdown is at 4 days now.  And then I'll be a mama to three kiddos.  It's interesting, the thoughts swirling around:

I hope she's cute!
I'm SO done being pregnant...
Can I do this?
How will my bigger littles respond?
Will I ever get my regular quiet times with Jesus back?
Will my desire to immerse myself in Scripture get amped up again?
How did my feet get this big???Where are my pants?  I can't find them!  Oh, they're on me already...
Will my body decide to like milk ever again?
Peanut butter is not supposed to affect my digestive system like that!
Thank you, Jesus for Netflix!
I hope I have more ice chips in the freezer.
Oh, my aching back!
Three kids-- I must be crazy!
Hooray for paper plates!
It's tough, not being able to reach the dustpan...
Freezer meals are my favorite!
Four days... I can do this!  ...I think...!

I'm basically a frazzled mess, can ya tell? :)

But I'm a cherished mess.  And, as is the phrase these days, a beautiful mess.

I am beautiful, not for who I am or what I can accomplish (which isn't much, being that I have no energy these days).  I am beautiful because of the One who loves me with a perfect love.  My beautiful (clean, orderly, perfect) Jesus loves me with a beautiful (pure, unconditional, everlasting, faithful) love, and it is because of who He is and what He offers that makes me beautiful.

Beauty is not in the eye of the beholder; beauty is in the heart of the Lover.